November has never been kind to me. I'm glad it's already over. But I must admit that I really hoped that times when I was being depressed ended together with high school, few years ago. I really thought that starting a new life, with different people, at different place, will change everything. I was wrong. I guess stuff like jealousy and fakeness will follow me anywhere. But the question is, is there something wrong with the people I meet? Or is it me who's wrong all the time? Where is the problem?
I'm unable to change, sorry... If I change again, then I will lose this part of myself that I don't want to lose. Because then I won't be ME anymore. That makes me a bad girl, I guess...
And whenever such things happen, I just take a step back. I put a mask with a very clear message: I don't care, stay away from me... It's all to hide my pain, because I don't want them to feel superior to me in some way. Hell no... So I may use crude words only to make you feel insecure. And deep down inside I'm actually afraid of what's happening. And I would like to go back, but unfortunately I have nowhere to go. I just look how whole my life is slipping through my fingers again. And I'm unable to do anything yet again.
So I overthink everything and just move forward. And in all of that I'm also very proud... after all of my toxic friendships, I told myself never to apologize for something I did. Not when I don't feel like I did something wrong. I'm not going to let everyone trample over me.
Leave me alone.
Everything is meaningless.
listening to: G-Dragon - She's Gone
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